It's all about perspective. That's what I've come to find. Why is it that those of us who live the most simplified lives tend to be the most content? Don't they want more? Of course, they do! And they always get it. It's just a hell of a lot more accessible.
Before you sell the house and trade down to a low maintenance hovel, let me remind you that perspective is YOUR perspective. How you get to where you are is yours and yours alone. In that path is where your JOY and HAPPINESS must be found. It can't be found in anyone else's path. But, we can look at other people's paths to gain insight into ourselves, can't we? We sure can!
I spoke on the phone the other day with my Uncle Jim. Jim is the youngest of nine children. Growing up on a farm, his older brothers and sisters attended a one-room schoolhouse; several of them, including my father Leo, completed only eighth grade.
Jim's life has had its share of tragedy. When I was six, he and his lovely wife Veronica, otherwise known as "Tootie," were in a terrible late-night country road car accident. Jim was pretty beaten up. It took him months and months to recover to the point where he could work again. This fact compounded his pain. It was through laborious work that he found his balance.
Fourteen years ago, Tootie died of cancer. She was the apple of his eye and a joy for all who knew her. He had recently retired from his custodial job at Fredonia State University. It was here he became friends with Marv Levy, the great coach of the Buffalo Bills. The Bills held their training camp at Fredonia. He often showed off the letter he received from Marv in response to his coaching suggestions.
To help him get back on his feet, he found work with my Uncle Bill, tending the fish hatchery grounds on the shores of Lake Erie.
Jim is suffering now from various disorders. He can't do much. He told me, "Jimmy, don't grow old." It can't be helped, of course. However, in his current suffering, I noticed something in his voice. Throughout his life, he's shed his share of tears, but he has never lost that lilt of optimism in his voice. He might only have his soap operas, and the Bills, and his sleep, and his daily drive down to the corner store to pick up a lottery ticket, but he is still fundamentally happy having lived a full life with family by his side. His grandson Craig was there with him when I called. He asked when I will be back home for a visit.
Throughout our lives, we have work, family, suffering. In these things, we find purpose, love, and courage, the three elements of meaning. Through meaning, happiness ensues.
Looking at your own life, how can you measure balance? One approach that works for me is to assess where you are concerning ten different dimensions: health, family, friends, intimate relationships, work, finances, adventure, hobby, spirituality, and emotion. Rating yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 every week helps you gain the perspective you need. It's a simple task to perform. It's undoubtedly "journal-worthy."
Now is the time to find the balance that is best for you. It's not so much how many hours you work vs. how many you don't, but how you rate yourself in those ten dimensions. Use this tool to find where you are imbalanced. Then find the COURAGE to make the change your life demands.
In her book, "Regrets of the Dying," Bonnie Ware collected the testimony of hundreds of patients she tended to as a palliative nurse. She noticed that regardless of the prognosis, each patient continued to want to grow and work toward their betterment, sometimes by merely understanding their lives. There were five recurring themes she found in her collected work.
1) I wish I had the COURAGE to live a life true to myself.
So often, we are not CONGRUENT with our values and beliefs. Take some time today and find them.
2) I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
There is meaning in work, but not when it takes away from family. Start today, and connect with your family in a more profound way. This doesn't need to take away from your work; it will just make your work more meaningful.
3) I wish I had the COURAGE to express my true feelings.
Being open and vulnerable is sometimes the most challenging thing in our lives. Find one thing that challenges you and confess your struggle to someone.
4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Wondering whatever became of those who share our everyday experiences is a gap we cannot fill. YOU be the one to reach out.
5) I wish I had let myself be happier.
While happiness ensues from meaning, it also can be pursued every day. Try it right now. Stop, close your eyes and smile. There is so much potential for you right now. It boggles the mind.
Be well, dear reader.
