4) __________________
3) DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
2) Never take anything personally
1) Be impeccable with your word
These are the Four Agreements. Well, not quite. You will get the fourth one next week. I intend to illustrate a progression of sorts. Today we introduce one that seems incredibly obvious, but in my opinion, it is the most difficult of the four. Additionally, like a bad seed, violation of this agreement will corrupt the first two. Here is what I mean.
In the course of human interactions, we are often presented with a set of facts that we interpret from our unique perspective. No one else has been presented with this particular set of circumstances, and no one else shares our precise understanding of what they mean to us. Often we will make assumptions about these facts and our interpretation of them. We make assumptions about others. We allow these assumptions to create an internal or external gossip that further informs our assumptive delusion. This is a violation of the FIRST AGREEMENT. Our thoughts with the help of our ego present us as the victim. Now we are taking this whole conflagration personally. A violation of the SECOND AGREEMENT. Taking this one step further, we elevate our internal and external gossip and violate the FIRST AGREEMENT by deciding on vengeance, or spite, or violence. OK, OK, that’s a bit of a dramatic spiral that doesn’t usually go that far. However, the same path that leads to something like real road rage is the same path that leads to ignoring a loved one.
How do we prevent the spiral from occurring? In one word, COURAGE. We have to have the courage to ask questions. But, we have made an agreement that it’s not OK to ask questions. We have agreed that our loved ones will know what we want or how we feel. We have agreed that to ask questions is to appear uninformed and to look foolish. How foolish is that? When you unpack it, look at it, hold it in your mental hand and see it from the perspective of a detached observer, you know that you must have the COURAGE to ask the questions that need to be asked. Damn the torpedos, dammit. Just freaking do it. Ask questions. Get clear. Don’t make assumptions. If you don’t, it might only lead to the end of life as we know it, or maybe just an intentional cut off in traffic. Regardless, work this one. Make this agreement a habit and your life will be transformed.
