I was reminded last week of this saying from my high school salad days. I had sustained a pivot injury to my right knee tearing my Meniscus cartilage. Pivoting in basketball, spinning with one foot planted, is vital when trying to deke (fake an opponent out of position). When you have a bad wheel, you can't pivot, you can't deke, you're limited.
As a metaphor for life, there are few more apt categories than sports. Let's dig into this a bit.
One of the significant advantages and disadvantages of being human (otherwise known as "Being") is that you have the power to be self-reflective. Through self-reflection, we can pivot or change directions. This process can also bring about feelings of regret and depression.
To master our mindsets and our psychology, we must regularly take stock of what we have done and where we are. Growth is not possible without goals. Goals are not attainable without constant and consistent personal review. This kind of consciousness is not feasible for any other creature. Sure, there are learned behaviors, but only humans are self-directed in this regard. It's what many consider to be the linkage with the divine.
Many times when we inspect our lives closely, we recoil from shame. Living in the past in this way is often too painful for many, who turn to drugs or drink to defer depression. This kind of negative reflection comes from using one simple word we use way too often; Why.
When we ask ourselves, "Why?" we create a victim mindset. "Why did this happen to me, or why am I so stupid, or why was I born." I suppose if we are doing a post mortem analysis on a particular life situation, asking why has benefits. How many times have you made the same mistake twice? When we do, the internal admonitions come fast and furious. Then the question 'why' takes on added intensity. Sometimes the pressure we put on ourselves is not good. Only when that pressure leads to change. Only when it allows us to pivot. If it creates too much pain, we cannot pivot. Is there a better word than 'why'? You've probably guessed it by now.
Now, 'why' has its place. Simon Sinek's terrific book "Start with Why" delineates the difference. Our why, in this context, is our reason for being. For example, if you were to meet Simon Sinek at a party and ask him what he did, he could say, "I write books on leadership." Conversely, he could start with his why and say, "Everything I do is devoted to one idea: To inspire people to do what inspires them so that together we can change the world for the better." Starting with your 'why' builds the foundation for a positive mindset.
But if overusing 'why' when pursuing self-reflection causes pain, what can we do. We can ask the question "What" instead. 'What' is action-oriented and puts us on a path to elevate ourselves. It is an empowered word with powerful potential.
In the act of self-reflection, 'why' might be counterproductive because it activates the pain-body of our consciousness. "What' is an alternative to keep at the ready. "What' is what illuminates the path forward, out of the dark and away from the pain.
Be well, dear reader.
If you have 17 minutes to spare, here is a great Ted talk by Tasha Eurich on this topic of 'why' vs. 'what.'
