We’ve all been to that party. You’re new to the group. You know it’s up to you to put your ego away to connect with folks. You remember to make the conversation about the other. You are showing deference and asking about what the other does and why. Or perhaps about the emotions they felt when they overcame or won. If you ever want to learn the art of conversation, study Joe Rogan and his self-effacing style.
But no, you’ve stumbled upon that individual who cannot relinquish control of the narrative; everything and anything about themselves. “What’s that you say? When you were younger and studying the martial arts, you could have lept over my head from a standing jump? That’s…amazing!” You just want to chew your leg off from this verbal trap and flee the scene.
What did humility get you? Just an uncomfortable exit from a boring conversation. But wait. That was anomalous. Everyone loves to be asked what they do. When meeting others, it is the tried and true secret. However, the kind of humility of which I speak is about a private conversation you have with yourself.
Have the humility to know what you don’t know. Have the wisdom to understand your traits.
Our traits are our personalities. They are our dimension of expression and come from our life experience and conditioning. An excellent way to connect with and identify your traits is through online psychological surveys. Here is one that I like based on the Enneagram School of thought. It’s free, although you will be asked if you want the full report for $20. Just decline.
Be forewarned, though; take care to answer the questions from the perspective of who you are, not who you aspire to be. But I digress.
In a lower plane, you have more control over your skills. Understanding where you fall short in the skills you need is one thing; taking action on them is another.
In all of life, just like business, we can apply what I discovered as the S.A.M.S. approach to understanding your skill gaps: Sales, Assets, Marketing, Speaking.
“To Sell is Human.” When you think about it, it’s true. It’s also a title from best selling author Daniel Pink. Selling is comprised of three elements. Attunement is the art of understanding. It’s what our hero does when he goes to the party of strangers; he strives to understand. Buoyancy is the skill of managing our expectations and psychology in the face of challenges and keeping up and maintaining perspective through iterative self-talk. Finally, we must project clarity. Robert Cialdini, the Arizona State University scholar and one of the most important social scientists of the last generation, understood the impact of contrast on getting clarity. Contrast generates clarity. It’s why one of the most important questions you can ask is “compared to what?”
Your assets can be categorized in many different ways. Practically speaking, assets generate passive income. Things like real estate or investments generate passive income. However, think of yourself as an asset. Your personal development has the potential to generate passive income, particularly in the information economy.
Sales are one thing. Sales include marketing. Sales are the vision, a mission, a passion. Marketing, though, is the thing that gets them into the shop. Sales are persuasion. Marketing is influence. How do you build your influence? There are three ways to build your influence: Teach people how to think, challenge them, and role model the way.
Finally, there is speaking. Anyone can work on this skill, and it pays dividends in spades. What does this mean, paying back in spades? Well, it is generally the most valuable of the four suits in cards. Paying back in spades means payback of the highest value. Improve your ability to communicate is something you should do every day.
Be humble with yourself and admit you’ve got a lot to learn. The beautiful thing about life is that this rule applies no matter who you are: you have an infinite amount of upside potential.
Be well, dear reader.
