Introspection is running rampant in these times. All of my clients and many of my family, friends, and acquaintances, it seems they are thinking about themselves, about life, about their futures. I'm no different in this regard. Fatherhood and my role as a father have been on my mind.
I've spoken of my father in these musings in the past. He's gone now, almost ten years. That blows my mind. My mom has been gone 28 years, nearly half my life. My two sisters, Gail and Jill, were both stillborn. So it's just me. I have a lot of opportunities to think, without the problems or consult of my father's family. As the lone paterfamilias of my line, it's a bit lonely, at times.
My father was simple, yes, but that was what made his logic so persuasive. He was a farmer and entrepreneur, a highly valued Air Traffic Controller of a British airfield in WWII. He was more profound than his countenance would suggest.
Is it fair to ask if fatherhood is under attack? In these times, will I be canceled just suggesting as such? Perhaps it's just changing. However, I find it challenging to find fathers portrayed in popular culture as forces of good deeds and competent counsel. The positive aspects of Homer Simpson and Walter White, notwithstanding. But, I digress.
Sadly, he didn't live near us where we could see him often. We would see him maybe three times a year. So very sad. When my mom passed, he was alone in a sense. Alone for a grandfather, who loved his grandchildren with depth in a way that was obvious by the look in his eye.
In reflecting upon my father and the hole he left when he passed, it became apparent to me that we fill those gaps, all of us who knew him, fill those gaps with our memories and the behaviors he taught us. In all of my children, I see my father. I see his calm and comforting patience. I see his sense of humor. I see his plain-spoken logic and his rationale. I see his perspective. I see his love.
Fatherhood is an institution that is needed now more than ever. Fatherhood is a kind of glue that binds a family, like motherhood, but different, and equally impactful. It's not the "Never Complain, Never Explain" ethos of manhood that resonates in all men in some expression of old fashioned gallantry. I think it's the calming of the storm. It's the ability to help our children gain perspective. A father's counsel is precious. I learned to appreciate this too late. Over the last ten years, my father's perspective has grown inside me.
With or without children, we can all celebrate this day and recall the best in our fathers that we can find in ourselves.
