We are domesticated. Likely, you never live your life purely wild and free, as you did when you were a child. It's likely that, from time to time, you behave in ways that you regret. I'm not talking about significant moral lapses. I'm talking about slight changes that are deviations from who you truly are. These are breaks in your alignment. They leave you feeling a bit off. See, as we get older, we are domesticated. We are told how to act. We are advised not to sing loud and proud in church because we are so off-key (that was me). We are reigned in. It's the rare individual who lives their life from the start in a kind of perfect alignment. Although I never met him, Luca Calanni was one of these extraordinary people.
Sometimes you take things for granted, like friendships. I feel a tinge of shame when I realize I haven't seen a very close friend, who lives nearby, in awhile. I righted that wrong last Friday when I had coffee with an old high school friend.
Frank is an ordained Franciscan Friar. A graduate of Saint Bonaventure in Olean, NY, he currently serves as The Guardian at Saint Anthony Shrine in Boston. Frank and I have had a lot of memorable times over the years. Like the time I hitchhiked from Rochester to Saint Bona's for a Springsteen Concert in 78. Alas, that story is for another time.
When I saw a story Frank had posted on Facebook about Luca, I felt drawn to learn more.
Luca was an old soul. At 11 years old, he was purely authentic. In many ways, he eschewed the domestication we all get from our parents and our friends. He was the kind of boy who would walk right up to you, hand extended, wanting to know about you. He was the kind of boy who was always aware of others in his path who needed someone. A child playing by herself, alone, or the new kid in school. Luca would always be the one to connect with those who had problems connecting.
In January, Luca died of complications from the flu. It was all so fast. He was playing basketball on Saturday, and he was gone by Thursday. Imagine the loss if you will. But with loss, there is always the chance for light. Luca was light. His favorite color was orange. So, on January 18th, all of Buffalo was bathed in orange light. It was recognition of a life that ended too early, but one that was truly authentic.
Luca's life is a model for us all. In a world of inauthentic celebrities and politicians, cynicism, and skepticism, it's worth our time to see what we can learn from the most authentic people in our lives.
Frank presided over Luca's funeral mass. While discussing his life over coffee in Downtown Crossing last Friday, I paused to think of what was lost. Today, I realize that what was lost never has to be the end. Luca is gone, but he lives on. Please consider donating to the Luca S. Calanni Foundation.
When you've made agreements with yourself that don't serve you, you are inauthentic. To reconnect with my authenticity, I ALWAYS turn to "The Four Agreements."
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don't take anything personally
- Don't make assumptions
- Always do your best
Remember who you were. In reality, it's who you are. It's just buried by layers of life that don't serve us. Recognize this and be authentic. Live like Luca.
