The wind howls tonight. It's wild, this winter New England wind. It looks intimidating, evidenced by the spastic whipping I see from the several flags outside my window. It sounds worse, with its off-distant, low-level roar and its climactic howling crescendos. It can't be controlled. Yet, I love stepping into it. Leaning into a headwind puts me in awe of life. And it reminds me that we are the only ones who are indeed in control. We can even face those headwinds and thrive.
There is one lone final freedom that can never be taken from us. That absolute freedom is how we respond to any situation. Whether in the face of terrible evil, or magnificent good fortune or anywhere in between, we control our responses. Except when we decide not to, and we allow the situation to control us.
It takes a lifetime of practice to respond to every situation from a perspective of control. The way to get better at it is incrementally, I'm convinced. Incremental improvement generates momentum. Momentum facilitates change.
It's your job to envision your path. Asking for help is part of that process. It takes courage to ask for help. It's not easy to admit we don't know. If you have a fixed mindset and are incredibly gifted, these, to me, are the saddest people. With a fixed mindset, we don't think we need help. We don't ask for it. It's more about the destination and not the journey. Think in terms of John McEnroe, the tennis great from the 1970s. What a talent? What a prima donna? He won on his god-given ability. And yet, he never accepted defeat or looked for the lesson in a loss. It was easier to blame the referees. Develop a Growth Mindset.
Next, take control of your journey on that path. This seems so simple, and yet, it is quite hard in practice. We have distractions to contend with every day. We have failure we must respond to and learn from. We have self-doubt. We have the foolish tendency to compare our progress to others. All these things to contend with, and we soldier on. This small story of victory is the great story of humankind. If you have challenges, you have an opportunity. Life is about overcoming challenges.
How to start getting control? Try these simple habits. Practice one a week and see if it doesn't help to gain control.
Create the non-negotiable three-item to-do list for each day. These are the three top priorities. Get these done before anything else. If you nail these three things, you've accomplished something. The most successful among us have massive to-do lists. They distract from what's important today.
Exercise. That is a daunting prospect. Why? Because it seems like such a mountain to climb. That's because we make it a mountain. Do something small. Stretch for 5 minutes several times throughout the day. Go for a 30-minute walk. Practice deep breathing. There are so many little options to help us create momentum.
No TV. The last great time suck of the modern age. Take control, even if it's for an extra hour.
Practice gratitude. Be thankful you get to take a hot shower today. Be grateful for the food you eat. You have so much, regardless of who you are.
Write. Writing is the conduit to better understanding. If you're not writing today, even if it's just a jotted-down thought, you're missing a chance to be in better control.
Never go to bed in a dirty kitchen. 'Nuff said.
Dine together. If you are so fortunate to live with others, make your meals a ceremony of sorts. If you live alone, reach out to someone special in your life after dinner.
These are simple, humble thoughts. Nobody is messing with you but you. You have control. Every decision is an extension of that control. No decision is a decision. You are still in control of that response. When we forget this simple truth, we forget that we have unlimited potential—all of us.
